Candid Conversation Tools: Part 3
Support CCS Admin September 30, 2024Support CCS believes that public education is the foundation of a healthy democracy: accessible to all, it brings communities together across differences while respecting the individuality of all. In keeping with this spirit of respecting and bridging differences, we asked one of our volunteers, Julie Kratz (who, in addition to being mom to three current CCS students, is an Inclusive Leadership Trainer!) to share some tips about how we can have conversations with our neighbors in a way that is candid while also being respectful and productive.
Hi, this is Julie! I am excited to be sharing useful tools and information to help everyone engage with our community during this important School Board election cycle.
Today, we’ll focus on “Boundary Setting.”
Controversial issues can feel very personal. It’s important to preserve your energy for productive conversations. If you spent time trying to take on the other person’s perspective, help them rethink their perspective and are staying open to rethinking yours, and you’re still at a standstill – it might be time to call a timeout.
I find after several minutes of engaging with someone you can generally feel if they’re open to a conversation or they just want to argue. It is sometimes plainly obvious if someone is not open to a different perspective, and in that instance you should practice clear boundary setting. A few boundary talk tracks that you might use to respectfully end a conversation that is going nowhere are:
- “Maybe it’s OK that we disagree on this.”
- “I’m glad we discussed this but perhaps we should move onto another topic?”
- “I don’t find that viewpoint appropriate so I’d like to talk about something else please.”
- “Let’s agree to disagree and move on.”
In especially tense settings, you might make eye contact with a potential ally in the group or have a predetermined signal with someone designed to interrupt and help you safely exit the situation. You have to be aware of your trigger points. Once you’re emotionally triggered and can’t think rationally the conversation is likely to be unproductive. Know your threshold and get others to support you if you can.
We all go into conversations hoping to be heard and acknowledged. Sometimes that just doesn’t pan out, and we have to disengage from the conversation without achieving that aim. It’s important to remember that this is not a failure. Very rarely does a single conversation change someone’s mind or heart. It takes time, and lots of conversations, to truly understand people and their experiences.
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